Do you remember back in, I think it was ’98 or ’99, Chris Rock came out with a song called “No Sex (In The Champagne Room)?” and dedicated it to the Class of ’99?
That song and this post is going to have a little in common. I’m going to share some rules of being a fangirl in this day and age that you can follow, laugh at it, or roll your eyes at. It doesn’t bother me one way or another.
1. Not everybody is going to be friends.
Something I learned pretty quickly is that no matter if you love the same band, you can’t be friends with everybody. Some people just don’t click that way. There are plenty of people in my fandoms that I’m not friends with, but I’m cordial and even talk to. Not everybody is going to be your friend. You don’t have to go around and do these good deeds for people because that doesn’t equal friendship. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.
And if by chance you are friends with two people who don’t like one another, at least acknowledge why they don’t like one another and don’t blow it under the rug as if it doesn’t matter. You never know when words can hurt more emotionally than physically.
2. Beware Who You Associate Yourself With
This is something I’ve learned late in life. I’ve always tried to be friendly to people who have been friendly with me. But after being burned more than once, I’ve learned that sometimes you have to look past the bigger picture of being cordial. Especially when it’s getting involved in a project that could turn out to be bad and make you look bad.
For instance, I have a popular website, Etsy shop, and I’m pretty known in the BSB fandom. That equals thousands of followers on social media outlets. Whenever I’m offered a chance to be associated with something, I always have to think about the bigger picture, especially if money is involved. There have been some that I knew I wouldn’t want to be a part of from the get-go. There are some that I really wanted to do, but knew deep down I probably wouldn’t have time to devote to it like I should. But you always have to ask yourself a few questions. Would this benefit me and most importantly, what is the benefit to my readers and buyers?
That leads me to …
3. You Don’t Have To Take Part In Every Opportunity That Comes Your Way
More than once, I should have listened to Taylor Swift and say “You Shoulda Said No,” but I didn’t. You might want to, but think about it for a minute, or a day. How is this going to benefit you? Will it benefit you? Is it just another scheme to have your name attached to something that will end up hurting you and your reputation in the long run?
I’m very wary of ANYTHING that involves money.
For instance, me and my friend Hannah did an ad in the Kentucky Music Hall of Fame for Brian and Kevin from Backstreet Boys’ induction and we raised money for it. We kept up with every cent and the whole thing made me nervous, but we did it, and the guys loved it and us fans that took part in it felt good that we did something nice for the boys for a change.
If you have something that people want to use, such as artwork, that in return will not really benefit you, but benefit them, think long and hard because that’s a piece of yourself that you are giving away.
4. Make Sure They Are Friends For The Right Reasons
This is a biggie. If for any inkling people think you have some kind of connection to their faves, some might try to be friends with you for that reason only. You know how they say there is one bad apple out of the whole bunch? That’s kind of how this is.
For every 10,000 amazing people, there’s always going to be one. It hasn’t just happened to me. It’s happened some of my friends. It’s happened to some friends of my friends in various fandoms whether it be Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Marvel, Jonas Brothers, One Direction, Harry Potter, etc.
Sometimes you go into things with the best intentions, but only to find out the other person’s intentions weren’t as pure. And it sucks, trust me.
5. Don’t Worry About Who Likes You
There will always be people who just flat out don’t like you, whether you’ve done absolutely nothing to the person or if maybe you’ve rubbed them the wrong way about something. Or vice versa. It goes back to #1 – You don’t have be friends with someone.
A fandom is supposed to be fun. So say a group of people don’t like you. Who cares? Are they your friends? Are they the ones that that you tell your deepest secrets to? If not, then who cares if they don’t like you.
6. Don’t Stress Yourself Out Over It
Like I just said, fandoms are supposed to be fun. Don’t stress yourself out over something. If it’s literally to the point of making you physically sick, get out. A fandom isn’t supposed to do that to you. A friendship isn’t supposed to do that to you. A relationship isn’t supposed to do that to you.
Nothing that is supposed to bring you joy should do that to you.
Being a fangirl is about being happy, carefree and fun. If it’s not, that’s when it’s time to hang it up.