I was going to blog about this whole thing last night after watching the latest episode of “This Is Us.” It just felt too personal at the time. The episode had me crying a good little bit and now I’ll explain why.
Last night, we learned more about Randall and his “vice” as his birth father William calls it. He’s a perfectionist and tries to do everything and when it all comes crashing down around him, he loses it.
I’m the same way.
For instance, when it comes to the Backstreet Boys fandom, I like to be in the middle of everything. I used to write or instance, when it comes to the Backstreet Boys fandom, I like to be in the middle of everything. I used to write fan fiction and I would update and crave the attention from readers when they sent feedback. When I created the site that became TFL, I loved the attention. It was something I just found myself craving. I had to be the first person to do something, like Randall with his job and I often buried myself and things that were work in that “online work” whether it was writing fan fiction or updating a website constantly. I’ve pretty much made people hate me because of how I’ve acted sometimes. The constant need to be the best wore me down.
Like Randall, I have bad panic attacks when my world comes crashing down around me. I just completely shut off and can’t breathe and pace or just stare off into space. I had a horrible one this summer when they put my mom on a ventilator and I was sent to the ER to try and calm down it got so bad. I went numb all over. I couldn’t use my phone to text anyone to let them know what was going on. I had to get a nurse to text Julia to let her know.
Seeing Randall break down in Tuesday’s episode, just, well, it got me.
I thought Kate was my spirit character, but after Tuesday night, it’s Randall.
It just amazes me at how much I can relate to these characters on this show. I’ve never seen a show like it.