Confession: The struggle is real to be the perfect @backstreetboys fangirl

Has anybody noticed me being MIA lately? Not on Twitter as much, working on some site or writing for something? Making videos or doing anything online?

That’s because I’m working my butt off. We have so many projects in a short amount of time at work that I even worked a little on my only day off this week. I was supposed to work more, but I got one of my migraines. It’s still here sorta but I had to get online for a bit to do a few things. I needed some “Karah” time.

Why am I working so hard? Well, besides the fact that I love my job, saving up money for the Backstreet Boys cruise. I have to take three unpaid days off for the trip since I get no vacation until August so I’m trying to be a good girl.

And it’s hard because I keep finding clothes I want to buy with that extra money. I’ve bought a few things for the trip and the theme nights and yesterday I blamed Torrid and Rebel Wilson on Twitter and never once did I imagine getting a response from Fat Amy herself:

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Love her! So much so but I can’t discuss that just yet, but you’ll know in about 79 days 🙂

And that goes back to the cruise… and Nick’s solo tour. He added a second show and I had to do it. HAD TO. And we got front row tickets all over again. I realized I’d never done a Nick Carter solo show that wasn’t front row. And I’m honestly kind of glad they haven’t added another VIP for the show because I don’t know if I’d do it. That’s money I need for the cruise and plus wouldn’t it be awkward to do a second meet and greet in the same day? For Nick and Knight, the little thing afterwards was different because it was Nick AND Jordan, but I don’t know. It’s hard to say no to anything Nick related.

This is really just a bunch of rambling that I feel like I just need to get off my chest. In some ways I’m in a much, much better place than I was last year. I love my job. I’m not as stressed (in a bad way like I was), I’m about to go to Europe for the first time, but I miss my friends. I haven’t seen Hannah in a year since she came for the movie. I haven’t seen Mara since the cruise. I haven’t seen Julia since October when we saw Florida Georgia Line because we’ve both been so crazy busy and we’re not as close distance wise as we used to be. And there’s a few others that I’v grown apart from and it kind of makes me sad.

I’m kind of a perfectionist and I feel like I let people down when I don’t do stuff that I want to do. I feel like I left myself down.

I’ve been so busy that I haven’t made it to a post office to mail stuff!

But in 35 days, almost 34 now, everything will be okay.

And then in, well, 78 days now, everything will be scary, but perfect at the same time.

The struggle is fucking real.

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